We never stop learning throughout our life. At fifty-seven, I’ve recently learned a disturbing something about myself, and my relationship with God. I have a difficult time relating to Him as my Heavenly Father.

That probably sounds shocking. Just breathe a second, and let me explain…while I work my way through it in my own mind. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love God. I love His Word. I love His name, Jesus. I love His Truth. I love His people. I love His holiness. I love living for Him.

This revelation isn’t about my belief in Him, or my love for Him. It’s about how I view Him. I have no problem seeing Him as omniscient (all knowing), omnipresent (everywhere present; nowhere absent) or omnipotent (all powerful). I have no problem seeing Him as Holy and Righteous. There is, however, something about relating to Him as Abba Father that I get emotionally stuck on.

When the Lord brought my attention to this personal struggle to my mind this week, I wanted to tell Him it wasn’t true. After all, He calls Himself our Heavenly Father. It’s His very own description of His foundational relationship to us. When I began to dig deep into my heart, and ask myself why I struggled in this area, I came to some uncomfortable truths.

Those closest to me know that I’m adopted. This fact holds the key to my inner struggle with relating to God as my Heavenly Father. My earliest memory is of being in a small, dark room. The one room seemed to have a small kitchen and a cot off to the side. Sitting on the cot was a man, presumably my father. He was either putting on, or taking off his artificial leg. The whole scene was dark, claustrophobic and altogether terrifying. Under three years old, I faded into the background, and became invisible. For many years.

My second father was my foster dad, Darv. He was everything a child dreams of having in a father. He was the hands on, teach you to ride a bike, jump into my arms, I won’t let you sink kind of dad. I lived in his home for four years before I was adopted, and moved across the state. It’s impossible for a seven year old child to understand why it’s better for her to be removed from a comfortable, safe and loving home after four years, and be sent to live with strangers.

My third father was my adoptive dad, Frank. He was in politics at the time, and for many years after. He was a powerbroker. A lawmaker. He made things happen. People scurried to do his bidding. He pushed through legislation that changed the lives of communities. He did good for people.

He wasn’t a hands on dad, though. Perhaps that’s because he lost his own dad at a very young age. We are all molded by the examples in our lives. Some teach us how we want to be. Others teach us how we don’t want to be. More often than not, it’s a bit of both because no one man can fulfill every characteristic of God perfectly and consistently.

It’s more than challenging for a child to make sense of a scary, one legged old man in the shadows, or why her storybook father was taken away, or why her powerful father who did so much good for people wasn’t in her day to day life. The adult version of myself has learned just because something is hard or painful doesn’t mean it’s not God’s will. He had His hand upon me through all the traumatic years, lovingly bringing me into His perfect plan for my life. 

It’s not my intention to bring disrespect to any of my three fathers. I loved them, and am thankful for their part in raising and providing for me. I know they loved me, and did what they felt was best for me. (Admittedly, the first one is sketchy, but I try to give him the benefit of the doubt.) I’m simply attempting to explain to you (and myself) why it’s challenging for me to relate to God as my Heavenly Father.

Why Does It Matter How We View God?

I have to believe I’m not the only one who struggles in this area. Broken and dysfunctional families are most often the norm. So, why does it even matter whether I see God as my Heavenly paternal figure? It matters because it is truth. It matters because ‘Heavenly Father’ is how He sees Himself in relationship to us. It matters because we can’t trust Him completely if we don’t view Him first as our loving Father.

How Am I Going To Change My Perception of God?

1. I’m going to talk to Him about it.
One thing I know about God (because it comes naturally for me to see Him as all powerful) is that He can handle our questions and the areas we struggle in. I’ve determined I’m going to be open with Him, and share my weaknesses. When I have a very personal situation, I struggle believing He is invested emotionally in my situation. Oh, I know He loves me, and is working for my good, but this thing that is so trivial in light of saving the world, does it break His heart like it breaks mine? I need to believe it does.

2. I’m going to read His Word. Scripture assures me that He cares for the things that burden me. If I ask for bread, He’s not going to give me a stone, because He’s a good, good Father.

3. I’m going to remind myself of the truth often. Verbalizing my belief in His love for me is vital. It pushes the enemy’s voice into the background, and allows my Father’s Voice to come to the forefront. I’m going to say it until I believe it with my heart, not just my head.

4. I’m going to practice inviting Him into my day to day struggles. This, I have learned is key. If I don’t think He cares for the small struggles in my life, I won’t ask for His help. Yes, I will trust Him in the big things, because that’s what He does…but will I trust Him enough to invite Him into my day to day messes?

5. I’m going to be transparent, and not silent because others are struggling in this area, as well. There’s nothing new under the sun, and people are people every day. We need to not be silent, pretending we have it all together.

Hopefully, exposing my weakness in this area has helped you to be honest with yourself and God about your own weaknesses. If you struggle relating to God as your Heavenly Father, refer to the steps listed above. Hopefully, my transparency will help you to see God the way He desires for you to know Him. Oh, and why not offer a bit of grace to your earthly fathers, as well as to yourself? It’s true we can all do better, and God is a good, GOOD Father.

TAKE A LISTEN…👇🏻

GOOD, GOOD FATHER by Chris Tomlin

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” (Matthew 7:7-11)

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” (James 1:17)

Blessings For Your Day!
-Pat

You may also email me at PAT@PATVICK.COM.  I usually am able to reply within 24 hours.

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